Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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