i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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