You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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