if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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