Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
