The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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