you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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