well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
