Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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