if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
