awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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