I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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