I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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