hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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