I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
