"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
