the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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