More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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