youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
