One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
