Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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