good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you would pick up someone in the library
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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