it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
