also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
