I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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