; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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