Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
