Where did you get a picture of my penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
