grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
