Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
