i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
