I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
