You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
