watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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