This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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