You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
