i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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