i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
