you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
