The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
