He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
