$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
