I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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