i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
