I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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