i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
