even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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