So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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