on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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