I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
