every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
