I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
