Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
