I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
