you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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