Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
