They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize