woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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