what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
