I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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