I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
