just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
