I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
