Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
