I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
