there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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