Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
