Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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