ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
