I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
