so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
