My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
