Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
