How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
