he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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